West Side Stories

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

What a merciful Savior!

I was raised by parents who knew there was a God, but I don't know that they really knew Him (they do now, praise God!) I repented and accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was 21. I had a lot of pain and confusion in my life and I turned to Him. I prayed and read the Bible, but never joined a church or other Christians.

When I moved to Springield in 1994, I was introduced to spiritism and the New Age Movement. Unfortunately, since I had not read the Bible enough, I was sucked into it. To keep things short, some scary things happened. These people incorporate Jesus and God in everything they do. It is very easy to be deceived if you are not firmly grounded in the Bible. I was. Praise God, He pulled me out of all of it! As I read and continued to search for a closer relationship to God (which was ultimately what I was searching for anyway), He showed me that the things I was doing was not ok with Him and in fact, He hated it.

I give all praise and Glory to God because on Easter of 2001, Jesus found me and I surrendered my life to Him. That day I truly realized how much He hated my sin and that I needed to repent. With tearful pleas I begged His forgiveness and asked Him to lead me in His will. It has been a long road and I still have so much to learn about Him. I know this learning process will take the rest of my life, however long He allows me to be on this earth.

If there is anything to be learned from my story, it is to please, please read your Bible. You must be firmly grounded in His word to not be deceived. We love Him because He first loved us. Repent and have complete faith in Jesus Christ for your salvation. He is the only One that can see you to heaven and everlasting life with Him...what a blessing! What a merciful Savior!

God bless each and every one of you.

I'm one of those silent sufferers.

I'm one of those silent sufferers. No physical abuse, no suicide - no outward signs of pain.
But the verbal & mental abuse endured during my childhood formed a lifetime of low self-esteem & disappointment (perceived and real). It continues today by the man I love, only now it's in front of my children.
Only my faith and knowledge that God is my strength and refuge keeps me going.
I see a counselor based in Christ - which helps me to continue to stay focused on the prize - eternal life with my God. And peace.

Thanks for the last 3 Sundays

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The word "widow" hits me hard!

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I once was dead, but NOW I LIVE!

I was raised in the church. Attended Sunday school, camps, youth groups regularly. Got baptized when I was 8 years old. About that same time my parents divorced. I didn't really think it affected me to the point it ended up revealing it did later on. One of my parents and I had some fall outs growing up...things that shook me to my core but I didn't handle them in a good or effective way, either! By the end of high school, I was a "recreational" drug user, marijauna...never really "addicted" but it helped surpress the pain. I dated a guy for about 5 years (thru some of high school and after) and we had a rocky relationship in those years. Needless to say, it finally ended. I started feeling like I was always messing something up. Like somehow everything I touched turned bad. I wanted to know why I "had" to feel this way. So, I started drinking regularly as well. Mostly social drinking but it quickly became something to mask the severe emptiness I felt inside. I stuffed everything down and smoked and/or drank it all to my head until I'd feel like it washed away. Until the next day when everything was back again and I would start the process over. I had several failed (obviously) suicide attempts during this time. I was dying rapidly! I got to the point I was drinking 5-6 nights a week, mostly at the bars. I started up an extremely promiscuous lifestyle but I was okay with it. I didn't have to "commit" and neither did they. I was able to "distance" myself so I "couldn't" get hurt. I started hanging out with people that were great friends for partying but none of us connected on any other level really. I did, however, have some very close friends from previous years that stood by me and gave everything to stay by my side. Unfortunately, I didn't "need" their help and I lost some wonderful friends along the way. Some I still have to this day! I had many family members praying for me during this time that NEVER turned their backs on me. When I thought things couldn't possibly get any "darker" or more "empty", I woke up one night, after heavy drug and alcohol use to one of my good friends "taking advantage of" me. I just laid there on my stomach, pretending to be asleep. Tears streamed down my face as he did what he had made very vocal he wanted to do to and with me in the past, but I had refused because of our friendship. I just let it happen. I didn't try to stop it. From this point on, I don't think I cared about anything anymore. I was the farthest down in the pit you can be. I was so sick of feeling worthless, empty; sick of hurting and feeling alone. I had seen things and done things that, to me, could only be described as "standing at the gates of hell". I finally cried out to Jesus to "SET ME FREE" and to help me! To take EVERYTHING away! That is when He reached into the jaws of death and pulled me out!
I am happy to report I now have a husband, two beautifully wonderful "miracle" daughters and my drug use ceased the day I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter. 6 months ago I quit smoking cigarettes. (I was up to a pack a day for the past 13 years.) I have mended several relationships, including the one with that "one parent" that I had so many "head butts" with. I would be lying to you if I told you that the hurt isn't still there, but instead of surpressing it in the wrong ways, I've given those burdens away. If I told you I was in a place where I can say I'm truly proud of where I am at in this moment, that wouldn't be completely true either. There are still days I struggle, but I just thank God for every day He has given and continues to give me. It is ONLY by His Grace that I am alive, sitting here writing this today. And it is ONLY by His Grace that I can face the battles that present themselves to me daily. I still struggle with many thoughts and feelings but today, I don't have to fight or face them alone. And that's a pretty amazing feeling! One I never thought I'd have. When I hear "And now my life song sings" by Casting Crowns, I have such a PEACE that comes over me, for "I once was dead, but NOW I LIVE"!!!!!!
A special thanks to West Side for giving all of us "Broken" and "Recycled" people an outlet!

His grace is sufficient for me

I have been living with guilt my whole life. You see, many times in the church you do not hear about this struggle. It is the struggle of being a Christian with a desire. I have tried to hide it all my life, but am to the point where I do not anymore. I am no different from any other addict. My drug of choice is same-sex relationships. Even though I know my Heavenly Father keeps me in His care because I have a heart for Him, sometimes the desire is so strong it is difficult for ME to handle. I allow God to work His will in my life. Being the "taboo" sin in the church, we tend to ignore it thinking it is not there or it will just go away on its own. I hurt everyday. I pray everyday. I am making progress by being proactive in learning all I can about what brought me to this desire that is in conflict with God's Word. I have begged God to release me from this passion, but realize that "His grace is sufficient for me." It is so hard for other people to understand if they have never felt these feelings. I love God and I love His church. One day when I take my last breath, I know I will experience freedom at last!! I would like to say God has healed me, but He has not. I only trust Him that He knows what He is doing, and I know He has a purpose for my life.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Ardyth's Story

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I used to use street drugs

Friday, April 11, 2008

It never occurred to me that I would be a widow at the age of 33...

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I have been recycled by God.

I have been recycled by God. My life was shattered when I was raped during my freshman year at college. Because of the shame and self-hatred I experienced because of this event, I tried to cover the pain with drugs, alcohol and endless unhealthy relationships. I struggled with anorexia, thinking I could control one facet of my life. I was at the bottom of the junk pile and God, in His infinite love and grace, reached out to me. Jesus became real to me and walked with me through my valleys of healing by telling me His truth through the Bible....about who He is and who I am and His plans for my life. Recycling is not an easy process....but it is a process with eternal rewards.